How to fix your self-esteem problem?
- Angelo da Rosa
- May 23, 2020
- 3 min read
Updated: May 24, 2020
Self-esteem can be understood as the internal experience of liking, accepting, approving or valuing ourselves. Therefore, self-esteem involves an internal evaluation of ourselves and this evaluation can be either positive or negative. Have you realised that self-esteem has to come from within you without exception and never from an external source? It does not depend on what people think of you, their positive regard towards you, your accomplishments, your possessions or the success of your relationships. People cannot give you or take it from you. When you have a healthy self-esteem you feel a sense of balance. When you don't have a healthy self-esteem, you can have two different issues. You can have no self-esteem and is when you feel less than other people. Or there might be a false grandiose self-esteem, and you might feel more than other people. When you have a healthy self-esteem, you don't feel more than or less than anyone. You feel that you are equal to other people. You are not worse, you are not better, you're equal. Everybody in the world has equal value, no matter what you have, where you come from, or how smart you are. You are precious and invaluable as a person.
How to fix the problem of self esteem
How can you fix your self-esteem problems? Just commit to love yourself and have a high self-esteem. Never stop doing it again! Even when you feel sad or disappointed, show yourself love and affection as if you were thinking of someone you care about it! It sounds silly, but it is simple like that!
You have to decide to value yourself and not to accept the idea of you being less than anyone else. Stop looking outside for sources of validation. If you have a setback and have a negative thought, challenge it! You do not accept that thought because it's simply not true. You were born amazing - a wonderful creature like anyone else on this planet. There are no arguments against it, everyone on this planet has the same value as you.
The affirmations you will use to remember yourself of that will be something like this:
I am enough just the way I was born.
I will stop trying and I do not need to earn my value from my possessions, my job, my career, my kids, my family or how many friends I have.
I am not perfect, because no one is, but I am enough.
I am perfectly imperfect and that's enough.
I am enough!
On the other hand if you have a sense of grandiosity and think you're superior to others. you have to accept that people are different and everyone have the same value on this planet. Everyone has the right to be whatever they are.
The affirmations you will use to remember yourself of that will be something like this:
I do not have the right to view myself as better as anyone else.
I am perfectly imperfect, just like everybody else on this planet, and that is ok!
In the process of fixing your self-esteem issues, unhealthy levels of shame become an obstacle. So make sure to understand that you have all the right to look after yourself. Shame bind to positive feeling towards yourself might have its origins on trauma from some sort of abuse (i.e physical aggression, emotional manipulation, psychological or sexual abuse). It may come from parents or long term partners, for example. Note that neglect is a form of abuse too! In the case of sexual abuse, the trespassing of your boundaries by the abuser, and the denial of your existence as a person by them, produces a great shock on your system. In any case, shame that comes from any type of abuse is called toxic shame and now you can let that go away! You have the right to love yourself, take care of you body, your mind, your preferences and your needs and wants. You do not need to be ashamed of any of that!!!! Look up for books on toxic shame if you think you need a better understanding on this issue. I advice books from John Bradshaw and Pia Mellody. Good luck!
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